Getting comfortable with your own skin
Picture this. You’ve taken this stunning dress to the change room and you try it on. As it falls over your head you take a deep breath and look in the mirror and you. LOVE. IT. It’s gorgeous. Everything you’ve ever wanted in a dress.
Amy Abrahams
Beautiful Amy @wearthedamndress is a 30 (something) woman, wife, mum and kick ass professional who believes in loving, embracing and wearing clothes that make you feel great!
Then you slowly look again. You're conscious of your arms so you look there first. “Hmmm” says your inner voice, “can you really pull off straps rather than sleeves that cover the top of your arms?”. Then you look for your belly roll. Oh yeah, there it is. “Bit clingy” pipes up that inner voice. Finally you check the back to see if it shows where your bra digs in a bit cause you KNOW that’s a problem you have. Yup. Major bra diggage. “No one wants to see that” by this stage inner voice is a bit smug.
The dress you loved less than a minute ago on you is now an unflattering monstrosity that shows off all your worst features. It goes back on the hanger and you leave. Probably feeling pretty rubbish.
Sound familiar?
I am big on the fact that you should wear what makes you feel happy and comfortable. If you don’t want to wear straps rather than sleeves that’s fine! If you prefer a longer skirt, no worries! If you just don’t like wearing dresses that, my friend, is fair enough. The problem for me is if you like all those things but have told yourself you can’t wear them.
Now, here’s the thing. I have never worn crops. Not because I don’t like them necessarily but because I have convinced myself I’m too big for them. This year I bought a few. They are not teeny tiny, they are not very revealing. I can lift my arms in them without showing my boobs because I’m a Mum and I do a lotta lifting on a daily basis.
So why buy them? Because I’m a grown woman who liked them once I stopped hunting for a tiny bit of belly roll every time I put one on. I felt good and I got compliments wearing them. So I wear the damn crop tops.
Fitted clothes are another little number that I have avoided for a looooong time. This won’t come a surprise to many people, but post kids your body changes. It’s like stretching out a balloon and then deflating it. It never properly goes back, unless you’re a Kardashian, but that’s another story.
Here’s a little thing I’ve picked up. A little belly roll is not as noticeable as you think and also, no one else really cares. Believe it or not, sometimes fitted is more flattering than over sized, shapeless styles, even if the belly roll shows a bit. So this year, I wear the damn fitted dress.
Strapless and sleeveless. By now I think you get where I’m going with this. I have bigger arms. Always have. Even when I work out and tone them they are still a large upper arm but most normal clothing standards. Strappy styles were a bit of a no-no. I love a statement sleeve but I also love a cute strappy number so this year I bought them and I wear the damn strappy styles.
The following pictures are all of me wearing outfits or items I have felt uncomfortable with for some reason. From fitted jeans with shorter tops to strapless, sleeveless, and loads in between, they all challenged what I’d told myself I could/should wear for my body and have slowly changed what I feel comfortable and confident in. As you look keep in mind, in all of these pictures were something I was self-conscious of or didn’t like.
So. How do you know when to tell yourself to just wear the damn dress?
I have a few checkpoints for myself:
Did you initially love it before you went and picked it apart?
Did you consciously look for your “problem” spots? If they didn’t stand out to you straight away, then maybe they’re not a problem, you’re just making them one.
Are you thinking about how you feel you look, or how you think other people will think you look?
Would your best friend back you up or say you look amazing and to wear the damn dress? I think most of the time the answer to the last question is “YES!”
If at the end of all that you still don’t feel comfortable wearing it then don’t. That’s ok.
But I really encourage you to try and challenge your own assumptions, even if it’s just in small ways.
This summer wear the shorts, buy the bikini, drag out your strapless bra and WEAR THE DAMN DRESS!
